Not so simple.

You tell me to keep it light and simple like your soul is as transparent as glass and as simple as the gown I'm wearing for you. Like your skin shows all your veins and how they keep you alive, like your brain paints me a picture of your thoughts. As if your eyes can tell me your secrets when your mouth won't move a single muscle that is linked to your jaws, like the scars on your body will tell me of its trauma or your hands will tell me how many it has touched. As if your lips will show me how many lips you have kissed or if I'm the only one you want to kiss… Like your heart will tell me you love me and beg me to stay when I try to leave. Tell me is it ever light and simple?

Short stories: One More Kiss Before You Go

Admiring yourself in a towel, in the bathroom mirror after you've showered. "You are such a sight to behold!", she calls after you from the bedroom, you cringe… Why does she always have to say these sweet things? You think to yourself while going into the bedroom and into the closet to pick something to wear for work. Does she always have to stare at me with that dreamy smile? You think to yourself while you caught her staring at you as you get dressed for work. She is a woman you've been seeing for the past two months, she loves helping people more than just having a successful career, she's not competitive because she believes everything happens naturally, nothing like your beliefs and you always wondered why you're still seeing her. She leaves the room, ah! Finally!,you think to yourself… You check your phone for emails from that hot chick you met at work two weeks ago, email because sms texts can be easily noticed by her so you told the hot chick to email you instead. She sent you a picture of herself licking an ice cream cone, huh now that's hot why won't she do this? She is just boring, you think to yourself and shake your head in disgust. You walk to the kitchen and you find her seated waiting for you by the counter with your breakfast ready, she gives you that dreamy and sleepy smile that has started to annoy you too so you fake a smile and start digging into your food. She watches you eat, "so how is your lunch schedule like today?, was thinking to drop by with some food and we can have a picnic in your office, you know we can talk and laugh and everything", she gives out a nervous giggle. You think, Oh hell no, "oh sorry love I have a lunch meeting with a client, maybe some other day", mattering under your breath "in another life". Her smile falls into a frown with a slight fake smile "oh sure next time", she hugs you and starts off her own meal. You finished eating, rushing to take your suitcase and grabbing your coat hoping she doesn't say what she always says every time you leave for work, the most annoying line coming out of her mouth…  "hey one last kiss before you go?" Oh no she said it again arghhh whyyy??? You think to yourself and before you could stop yourself this time, "no not today, actually not any more… I need a break and I think you should go back to your place". She looks like she just saw her life flash before her eyes… "oh, um... I see, sorry if i made you feel suffocated. I will leave and never bother you again". Its done, that's it! You didn't think it would be so easy yet it was, you get into your office happily and decided to email the hot chick and invite her for lunch…

6 months later as you stare at yourself in the same bathroom mirror in a towel after you've showered, a sudden sharp sad feeling of something is missing emerged and you wondered why. As you get to the bedroom, another hot chick from yet another wild night is still in bed and checking her phone for notifications and taking pictures of herself, "baby don't I look beautiful even when I just woke up? Like I woke up like this! Get it? Haha", you look at her and smile. Go into the kitchen and that feeling of something is missing emerges again, but you ignore it and make your breakfast and eat. As you are about to leave, "hey one more kiss before you go?", You stop in your tracks and rush back to the bedroom only to find that hot chick went back to sleep she didn't say anything. That is when it hits you, it hits you hard, "I miss her, she's what's missing", you suddenly realize how much you even miss the things you found annoying about her, you notice that those are the things a good woman does for her man, a good woman in love with her man. You reach at your desk in the office and pick the phone to call her... She doesn't pick up and you realize what a huge mess you made and you need to meet her in person so you plan to go to her place after work. You bought her flowers, lilies are her favourite and sneakers the chocolates, she loves those too. You walk up to her door and ring the bell, a man opens the door and asks "can I help you?", you reply, "I'm looking for Isabelle?", the man replies, "oh you must be talking about that beautiful young lady who used to live here, she moved to a different city, or country… can't quite remember now, but yeah she moved and she's the one who told me about an opening here and I moved in". You never kept intouch with her and you don't know what city, what country she moved to. You feel like your heart has fallen into your stomach and you suddenly feel too sick to stand, "hey was she your lover? You look heart broken by the news", the man asks. You start walking away from the man without uttering a word to him. I'm heart broken that man is right, I didn't know it feels so painful … You think to yourself. "I lost her because I did not see what a precious woman I had and how much of a coward I was to her, she did nothing wrong… Maybe I was what was wrong with her,I lost her" you speak to yourself while looking into the bathroom mirror, in a towel and after you've showered… this time there's no hot chick, there's no one.

He is not ready.

You should be his one and only, but he is not ready.

He should respect you, show the world how to treat a lady, but he is not ready.

You should be able to love him unconditionally, but he is not ready.

You should see it in his eyes how much he cares for you, but he is not ready.

All the clichés on love should turn into romantic gestures, but he is not ready.

He should publicly call you his girlfriend and show you off to the world, but he is not ready.

He should be taking you out on all kinds of dates every chance he gets, but he is not ready.

He should be trusting you around his friends and your male friends, but he is not ready.

He should bring out the best in you by helping you become the best version of yourself and allow you to do the same for him, but he is not ready.

He should buy you flowers on a random day because he feels like it not because its your birthday or valentines day, but he is not ready.

Instead of asking in an accusing tone he should ask you like he is interested in your life, but he is not ready.

Instead of accidentally meeting his mother he should arrange an introductory meeting, but he is not ready.

He is not supposed to make you feel like you are in competition with other women for his attention,but he is not ready.

He should hug you like he needs to feel your lungs so that he can breathe because its hard being away from you for too long, but he is not ready.

He should keep the communication as open as he can with you, but he is not ready.

It should be hard not to smile and have dreamy eyes when his name is mentioned, but he is not ready.

You should be honest with each other's feelings and situations, but he is not ready.

You should be able to make time for each other despite your busy schedules, but he is not ready.

You should appreciate each other's presence in your lives, but he is not ready.

You are not talking to your girlfriends about your relationship problems because you have him to talk about it with, but he is not ready.

You should be trying to understand each other and compromise, but he is not ready.

You should be keeping your pride down because its not worth losing your love over, but he is not ready.

Hey there pretty lady, life is too short and wonderful to stay miserably waiting. You should let him go because he is never going to be ready.

Wake me Up

When the love is real, when people start to go on dates again and not just go and chill, when relationships are no longer called complicated because people are more honest and loyal,When men start to be brave and act like gentlemen, when people start to appreciate quality over quantity, when bitch and hoe are no longer names used for women, when people insist of having wives and husbands instead of baby daddies and baby mamas,when divorce is no longer an option because fixing became better than throwing it away, when people stop having relationship issues due to broken families because they no longer exist, when people are not discriminated or called names and killed due to their beliefs,when personalities matter more than looks, when the people put the hate aside and start helping each other excel instead of tearing each other down, when being in love and loving someone is no longer considered a weakness instead a blessing, when education is no longer uniform and teaches according to each child's intelligence and talents, when children play more outside than indoors or in front of screens, when our leaders lead us to a better place instead of selfishly bettering themselves, when every life is precious and unjust wars are devils that are sent back to hell by the exorcists, wake me up when the world is sane, when happiness is a common lane.

Marilyn

Its not her name per se, but she lived her life that way… like Marilyn, she saw life differently, lived differently and against the morals we lived by, she was older than I. I used to watch her as she got ready for yet another night with another man who belongs to yet another woman… She just wanted to be loved, she looked for it in the wrong places, in the wrong people. Marilyn was naive, despite all the bad experiences she has had, she still dreamed of a happy ending with true love… Red lipstick and red nail polish was her favorite beauty essentials, and just like the warm red on her lips and nails, she had a warm loving heart, one that I adored. I loved playing with her beautiful hair while she tells me stories of her glamorous dates and outings, "I want to be like Marilyn when I grow up", I thought to myself with a mesmerized smile as I watched her leave for another glamorous night, she blew me a kiss and out the door Marilyn went. I knew she wasn't happy, but she lived for the small happy moments of everyday and that alone gave her a reason to keep going.  Marilyn grew very sick one day, two weeks later she no longer belonged to this world and just like Marilyn Monroe her death is a mystery even science could not explain . I loved her and I love her still, my dear Marilyn who could not stay still.

Thin

There is a thin line between love and hate,

the same size can be used to part the real from the fake, 

for some of us emotional beings who feel things deeply, 

there is a thin time-frame between sobs and smiles,

a thin wall that stops a squall from within to disturb the stillness seen outside. 

A thin filter that moderates the words to mean less of what they really are because people do not seem to 

appreciate honesty as much as they used to, they easily believe the lies and easily cut ties. 

Strangers to love, that thin strong wall they built to stop them from falling or to be fallen for, 

that thin line between pride and shame the world has created to corrupt the minds of weak beings... 

How thin are our minds made to be? Thin our bodies are supposed to be? 

Thin sympathy for the ones in misery, this world is teaching us,

our children, their children and their children's children that thin is the only way to live happily… 

they say keep it thin, but I will forever preach the thickness of feelings, minds, things, people and situations.

Me, The Storm.

I am not a girl of the norm, not the kind to keep you calm and warm.

when they stare long and deep into my eyes, they are left speechless and cannot comprehend what they see under my disguise. The eyes are said to be the windows to one's soul, They see passion and dreams, but with a soul. Undefined I am, undefined I will be and undefined I shall always be. I produce fear into those who are cowards, those that find an excuse to run as soon as it showers. The sunny days are warm and it calms what is under my skin, but the rainy days are cold and they pour out that which is hidden deep from within. I love the rain because I don't have to hide what is under my skin, the rain isn't always pleasant and when its not it  is when my true form dares to try and tear my skin. They cannot get too close, they cannot handle me.  I am not a girl, I am a storm with skin.

They won't let me Sleep

They won't let me sleep. The voices in my head, I can hear them weep. My thoughts found voices, voices other than my own. They are all screaming at once, they speak loudly of fear, others of threats, others of anger, and some of pain. I feel abandoned, left to handle it on my own. A punishment from the heavens?  They all seem terrified, and they all want to complain to me, me their vessel. They playback memories to make me stop feeling numb, I stare at the memories feeling numb still. I refuse to feel, I choose to smile, laugh and make jokes instead. Numb to the shock that my life might change forever... Numb to the sharp pain of disappointment that is trying to creep in. I shall close my eyes... Sink into my head, drown in chaos and maybe, just maybe I'll find peace... I'll find sleep.. I'm okay, I'm great... But they won't let me sleep.

Chaos

The screams of laughter, tears, bells and thoughts . It all sounds so real, but i blink and it's just in my mind. Outside i look calm and collected, a little distant even like my reality and the actual reality won't break even. Like I'm stuck in my own little world that i refuse to let anyone know about, in my world its always lively and overly dramatic because i need that fire to live in this boring world full of rules and regulations. Teaching us how to live like we all came to earth for the exact same things... We are all not the same, how do you expect rules to apply to all the same way? They think I'm stupid, naive and slow paced, but tell me where have you gotten with that fast pace? Where are you rushing to? Do you know when you expire? Or living fast is what you desire? ... They are smart, geniuses even but when you ask them deep soul touching questions they have no answers. If you know everything then you must answer everything, what is a right answer anyway? Maybe what life really means is coming into the world with questions and your task is to spend your life looking for answers. I look at you smiling, my head is elsewhere, my heart is elsewhere yet I'm here and i smile and look deep into your eyes like I'm listening, sure i can hear you I'm just not listening... My mind my mind what chaos can that be, yet in the midst of all chaos... I find peace.

Your light shines the brightest

It may seem like, everything is crashing down... You are crushing into them while I crush into you... Your heart crowded with pain and scars... Your mind clouded with hopes for a better day. It's not easy with the world so materialistic, they are always defensive feeling like everyone is out to get them and they hurt you in the process without realizing it... I see your pain like a dark shed of red painted on a map of a path to hell... Suffering silently, no one knows how you hurt, they will not believe it even if you told them because such naive, curious and loving souls are almost extinct and they will not believe that you are one of the few. I see you smile, I see them smile back, but behind their smiles is a dark shadow of lies, betrayal and curiousity, they wonder... Will she break? Is she that delicate? Is she real? Can I use her until her eyes turn into a pale shade of grey?.... You and I see them as creatures of the world because they do not believe in anything beyond, I pity you and you pity them while they pity us both. They have used you, abused you, made a fool out of you yet you still stand tall in your belief that there must be some good left in them... Yes there is, but it is hidden so deep within them that even they do not know it exists... Do not give up on them because I am not giving up on you. You attract the dark ones because don't you know? The dark is attracted to light...

Mysteries

Floating, swimming into the unknown waters. Smiles or tears? I do not know but I shall face my fears. The water feels warm at first then gets chilly, I feel ice spikes poking me yet not cutting me. I thought I was the one testing the waters, it seems the waters are testing me. The waters start pushing me forward then suddenly starts pushing me backward very slowly, I'm confused... Did I pass the test? Or is this a sign of a lost fight? I cannot seem to find the answers, the waters refuse to reveal its intentions, motives and its depth. I cannot see how deep it is because im left floating on the surface, the waters leave me clueless. With all this silent and secret struggle between I and the waters, I still feel a sense of yearning, curiousity and affection coming from the waters as its slow waves push me to the surface... As much as I try to dive deep, I still end up floating on the surface. I stare into the sky, the air feels safe and accomodating, it feels better to float in the air than in the waters... The air is transparent and calm, I do not need to struggle with air, I feel free... But as easy as it maybe to float in the air, I choose to stay in the waters... I choose to fight and uncover the mysteries that lie within the depth of the waters...

No ordinary Love

Oh how you made me fall so deeply? 
i need you my love oh so endlessly, 
like I am a tree and you are the fruitful brunches, 
i love you with class like that of a duke and a duchess, 
it is unbelievable the way you love me, 
like you were born and raised just for me, 
I was hurt by the heartless liars, 
you were like a medicine that healed each of my layers, 
you gave me strength in my weakest moments, 
you made me your lifetime and not just one of your moments, 
the kind of love that we thought only existed in history, 
you made me a faithful stranger to misery, 
the best of both worlds we are friends and lovers, 
the kind of love that does not just pour it generously showers, 
this love feels so pure, 
now i realize you have always been my cure, 
oh how you made me fall so deeply? 
indeed it is the most beautiful mystery.

Happy Valentines love birds!

What have we become?

Back in the early teenage years,
we all had our fears,
growing up is confusing,

yet we found it amusing,
we didn't care much,

we also didn't share much,
and as we got older,

we saw things a little broader,
we started using more ink on skin than ink on paper,

the simplicity we once knew,
became a history that makes us feel blue,

blue blue what a color to describe sadness,

it used to be easy now its hard to find happiness,

all the stress and pressure for a successful future, 

leaves us confused and lost in torture,
its not easy when success is now a need,
we are like a different breed,
we became less selfless and do things more selfishly,
turning a deaf ear to humanity,
making world peace an impossible possibility,
love is almost out of the equation,
needing and loving someone is now a shameful confession,

money and power is the new obsession,
is this what we want to teach the next generation?
oh What a shame what a shame,
The next generation might as well be nothing but a sham.